30.

It’s been a very long time since I’ve been big on birthdays.

At 814pm this evening, it’s official. I’ll enter my 30th year. I don’t know how I got here. I distinctly remember thinking as a child that turning 30 was SO FAR away. That it would NEVER happen. That really doesn’t seem like that long ago. It’s here and I’m doing my very best to take a deep breath, accept it and move on.

I feel a little old. What’s funny, is I’ll feel even older when my younger sisters’ birthdays pass. One in a week and one in February. Those days hit me hard too. As do the yearly celebrations of my own children. I think it’s the passing of time. The moments that are gone, the time that can’t be done over. I know it’s such a cynical look, but I can’t deny how I feel, how I’ve felt since I crumbled on the floor on my 20th birthday. Once I got to 17, I wasn’t in a huge rush to be able to write down the higher numbers when asked my age.

At 30, there is plenty to be proud of, happy about and to look forward to, and I am. I am blessed with my boys, all four of them. I have a lovely home, a fulfilling job and a husband I love. I have friends I care about and who care about me. I continue to discover who I am and I’m working up the courage to chase some of the dreams that remain running wild.

As I type this, I’ve got 14 minutes left of 29. I wonder how my parents feel. I was their first. I wonder what’s coming next. Good things, I hope.

Michael made me a cake. Sitting on top of the best cake I’ve ever tasted is Eeyore. He’s my favourite. And, it said, “Sometimes if you stand on the bottom rail of a bridge and lean over to watch the river slipping slowly away beneath you, you will suddenly know everything there is to be known”

oh bother...

I don’t like it when people label Eeyore as depressing and pessimistic. I think he’s wise and without sugar-coating. He reminds me of Pop [my grandfather] and that makes my heart happy.

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